Here For Now

So, I'm trying this new approach to life lately, wherein I don't think too hard about things that make me happy; I just let them do what they're doing.  As a lifelong, chronic over-thinker, this has not been a simple matter of flipping a switch in my brain to the 'off' position.  In fact, I am constantly struggling against my natural tendency to psychoanalyze my every choice and action.  I realized something a while back, though.  I have self-sabotaged a large number of seemingly happy experiences in my life by breaking them to see how they worked.  I would spend the whole time wondering what it all meant, so consumed by a hypothetical outcome that ultimately, all I would do was forgot to enjoy what was good about the present.

And the thing is, when I finally started making a concerted effort to just enjoy the here and now, I started realizing that things are pretty great right here, right now.  In fact, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.  Yes, I am 26 years old, and I don't have anything close to a ten year plan.  I'd be lying if I said I have a solid six month plan.  All I know is that today, I am glad that my life is where it is.

So here's a list of stuff that makes me happy:

1. Mexican food.

2. Fall.

3. Muppets (except for the ones with heavy eyebrows and beaks, because they freak me out).

4. Brand new stationary and a really good pen.

5. This picture of a manatee chasing an ice cream cone.

6. Dresses.

7. THIS THING BECAUSE OH MY GOD.

It's called a quokka.  I KNOW.

8. Halloween is just over a month away!

9. New pajamas.

10. This song.

Let's do this.

10 months.  9 days.  4 1/2 hours.  But I'm back.  And this time, I'm going to do my damndest to stick with it.  Because goals.  No apologies.  No regrets.  No promises.  Just goals.

Here are five things that I know:

1.  I like who I am today more than I did the last time I wrote an entry on this blog.  I'm not perfect.  I don't have things entirely sorted out.  But I've improved.  And I'm still improving.

2.  Sometimes, when something is so good it feels like there's no way it could last forever, that's because it's not supposed to.  A life well lived is in a constant state of flux.  Change is essential, and good memories are the true testament to success.  Let life live.

3.  Cheese is still delicious.  That is not a thing that will change.

4.  Sometimes, people prove that the world isn't a lost cause.  It's imperative to look for those moments and focus on them with all your might when you come across them.  Fill yourself with them, and you will be quenched when you suffer through a positivity drought later on.

5.  It's important to do at least one thing every single day that you feel passionate about.  That thing could be painting.  It could be writing a blog entry.  It could be as simple and seemingly meaningless as singing a song in the car that makes you feel better after a long day (mine is "Me & Julio Down By The School Yard").  It could be texting a friend to say hello.  It could just be the perfectly exquisite moment when you take your socks off at the end of the day.  Just as long as you acknowledge it.

I found my quote book on my bookshelf the other day.  For most of high school and college I carried around an increasingly battered composition notebook, which I filled with sayings and phrases I either heard or read.  Some of them don't speak to me the way they did when I penciled them in, but that's okay.  They spoke to me then.  But some of them still ring true.  I'll end this with a few of my favorites.

"Every person is just one, 'Oh, what the hell; why not?' away from a great adventure."  - Ryan McKernan

"There isn't enough time to do nothing!"  - Nate Higginson

"Who needs exercise when you can just laugh?"  - Rebekah Hudson

"Death's a comin' for ya, girl!  You've gotta grab life by the ass and cherish it!"  - Josh Fish

Good Things That Have Happened

Since I haven't written a blog entry in roughly a month, here is a list of good things that have happened in that time.

1. Got a job!
2. Started job!
3. Love job!
4. Sang and danced with family to Ukrainian-American gypsy punk rock music.

5. Moved back to Grand Rapids. <3
6. Did a hot dog tour of Grand Rapids.  Hated self.  ...Loved self.
7. Spent New Year's with Bests Molly and Kyle, watching Austin Powers and Jurassic Park. Happy 1997.

8. Drank Dan Aykroyd chardonnay and smoked expensive stogies with Molly.
9. Saw a UFO.
10. Discovered that NewsRadio reruns are available on Netflix.
11. Watched endless amounts of NewsRadio reruns on Netflix with Best Sean.
12. Watched Fellowship of the Ring with MST3000-esque audience commentary.
13. Ate at Bartertown for the first time.  Life changing.
14. Regained some semblance of a social life.  Mostly didn't have to leave The Speeler living room.

 15. Figured some stuff out.  Not everything, but enough to start putting my life back together a bit.

Happy New Year.  2012 simply HAS to be better than last year.  ...You heard me, Mayan Calendar.

Five Things I Love...

1. Blackberry Sage Tea

The Republic of Tea

Though I consider myself a bit of a beer connoisseur, this tea really is my favorite beverages, period.  Drinking it iced takes me back to early college, visiting one of my Bests (William) in East Lansing and going to one of our favorite little shops in Okemos, The Triple Goddess Bookstore.  Afterwards, we'd eat next door at the Traveler's Club, where I was introduced to this delicious blend.

2. Goodwill Industries

I know that there are other nonprofits out there with similar aims for bettering the community as Goodwill (Salvation Army, to name the most obvious contender), and though I fully support all of them in theory, my loyalty is to Goodwill.  I love this company.  I love donating there.  I LOVE shopping there.  I am addicted to bargains, which is a good thing to be addicted to when you are unemployed and sitting on a heaping pile of college debt.  You know those people who boast about their $5,000 purses?  Yeah...I don't know those people, either.  But I got my purse for $2.50, and I get compliments on it constantly.  Win.

2. Tetris

This picture gives me goosebumps.

As a little girl (and boy), I begged my parents for video games.  My dad continually told me that I already watched too much TV, and he would be damned if he was going to give me another reason to sit on my butt all day in front of the "boob tube."  Now, looking objectively at my addiction to Tetris, I have to admit, I can see his point.  Some nights I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, imagining it as a giant game board.  It's like counting sheep to me.  L block...line piece...L-block...L-block...square...

4. Knee high boots

Steve Madden 'Dyme' knee highs

As a short, curvy girl, it is important to know the secret of the knee high boot.  It will make you look taller and thinner... IF you can find a pair that will fit over your curvy-girl calves.  And THAT is why I have an extremely love/hate relationship with knee high boots.  I recommend suede boots for girls who suffer from what I have self-diagnosed as "Fat Calf Disorder."  They typically have just enough give to slide over those honking log-legs of ours, and enough elasticity to stay up fairly well.  As for where to find them, I shop at Goodwill (see #3), so I couldn't tell ya.  Just keep your eyes peeled.

5. The Jaw Clip

Before you ask, no, I don't own a fanny pack.

Call me a mom from 1995 if you want.  I make no apologies.  Jaw clips are my favorite way of semi-tricking people into thinking that I maybe sort of tried with my hair a little bit today.  They make the front wisps of my hair fall lightly around my face in a flattering way that gives off that vibe that I've been working really hard and haven't had a chance to glance in the mirror in hours, but it's okay!  I still look good(ish)!

Thank You For...

...my Aunt Jody's cheesy mashed potatoes/waistbands that stretch/digestion.
...going to see The Muppets tomorrow with Mom and Sister.
...coming home from the movies and listening to this on vinyl.
...Christmas season starting in an hour and twenty-seven minutes.
...both sides of my amazing family being within ten miles of each other.
...friends who have rallied around me and shown me unconditional kindness and love lately.
...stout beer.
...my new favorite nail polish.
...pajamas and bare feet after a long day in heals.
...new beginnings.
...laughter.